Grief- A
kneejerk reaction or a reasonable response
Chaplain Horace Cutter, M. Div., BCPC
Proverbs
15:13 “A merry heart makes a cheerful
countenance, but by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken.”
It is very
hard to ignore the person that you are.
The challenges that you face and joys lift you are all part of your own
personal experience. It is a common
action in our world to try to ignore the grief, to push it down deep so that we
can get along with life. However, the
grief is still there and lurks behind future experiences. The psychological world calls this pushing
down of emotions repression. Pressing
down the grief, breaks down the vitality of the spirit within. Just for the record, I do believe that
repressed joy can have adverse effects on a person also. It is just part of being human.
A person who
suppresses the hard experiences of life will tend to be haunted by them in ways
they cannot control and at times that they cannot maintain. When ignored, repressed emotions can come
back with a vengeance. The best way to
respond to the hard experiences of life is to reflect on them and make
intentional changes to our life. Those
changes may be emotional, spiritual or physical.
The first part of this proverb is the
unclaimed jewel that many miss. The
heart that I merry is revealed on the face of the person who faces his/her ups
and downs with help. I do not believe
that every event requires a trained professional; in fact, a close friend who
will refrain from judging and prioritize listening can attend to most issues of
emotional impact. The love of a true
friend can answer many of the hard tragedies of life. A trained and licensed to counselor can help
emotional/ psychological problems.
We sometimes
think that ignoring the emotional weight of grief will solve the problem of
grief. This is a great error. As complex persons with so many ways of
adjusting to life and reacting to life, humans have certain ways of coping that
automatically happen internally to maintain life. Life is so powerful that it is not only the
physical body that preserves and thrives to live but also life is psychological
and emotional.
Or Spiritual!
Although we
live in this world, life is so hard to explain in simple terms. Part of this complexity of life has to do
with what we would call functions of the heart.
Not the heat muscle but the inner drive of a person. To maintain this inner drive we must use
mental instruments. Just as the bodybuilder uses equipment to make
each muscle stronger people should take on mental exercises to maintain their
spirit and emotions.
So, how do you
maintain a merry heart?
Good question! 1)
Maintain healthy relationships. Not just
acquaintances but face to face friends who offer support by way of truth,
affirmation and criticism. We all could
use a ‘Yes’ person at times but one person who offers these three aspects of
relationship are worth their weight in gold.
2) Humans must
take note of where they are in life and what is important to them. It is very hard to see another goal that
could offer some place of respect, level of society or status but reflecting on
experiences and future priorities will help save a lot of time.
3) Find healthy physical and mental activities
to perform regularly. It is amazing how
closely tied the body is with the soul.
Keeping each of them healthy is a sure way of having a merry heart.
4) Remember to laugh. Not only laughing but also crying. Expressing your emotions to without harm to
others is a healthy way to continue being yourself. This
also relieves stress.
Remember that the Great Creator made humans connected to the earth but superior to other animals. This was not only to manage the earth but also to relate to the Creator in special ways. The fact that people who have the image of God upon them implies so much more than just living and doing things.
God has given us life so that we could enjoy
this life, enjoy His world, and Enjoy Him.
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