Walking
through the valley of grief
When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight. ~Kahlil Gibran
The great interrupter!
If you
are grieving the loss of a loved one today that means you are being hassled by
the great interrupter. Let’s
face it, the loss of a loved one is a bad experience to bare. But then comes in the great interrupter, ‘Grief’
to keep you up at night, crash our dreams, meddle with your thoughts during the
day and even cause you to forget important plans that you have made. The great interrupter has a way of affecting
us so that we sometimes cannot even get anything done in life. It is a chore to just go to the store or wash
the dishes or even get out of bed. It
has been true that the great interrupter is a not welcomed but still there.
Sometimes people feel that they should be over the loss of a
loved one in a few weeks but that is almost never the case. Many try to solve the grief problem with
throwing themselves into their work or play, looking for ways to avoid the
heavy feelings of sadness.
This is a mistake.
Grief is an interrupter, but you can get through your grief by
facing it head on. I know this sounds
scary because you are afraid that you will go crazy crying or do something
drastic to change the relationship that you had with your loved one. Listen, facing grief is not easy but it is
possible to do when you are prepared for the journey. Here are some things to do.
* Take time to
reflect on the life of your loved one.
Everyone that
makes an appointment with me, and comes into my office gets two things; the
opportunity to share their story and a grief journal. Journal is an amazing tool for processing
through experiences. People of all walks
of life have testified to the use of a journal that helped them through the
pain of processing trauma, grief or just a bad relationship. Just follow the rules for journaling; Don’t
worry about rules for grammar and proper language, keep all the notes in a book together, and
the journal is FYEO that is For Your Eyes Only.
Follow these rules and reflect on the life and experiences of you and
your loved one together. This will help
a lot!
*Give yourself some
time.
We live in a fast-paced world.
We get a phone call through in milli-seconds, the food is on the plate
within minutes and google answers almost any question we may have at the drop
of a hat. Our world is amazing and
moving faster each day. But! We are still human beings. There is so much more to the human mind, body
and soul than fixing a meal or getting answers to questions. We, as humans, need to process through our
lives. Taking time to reflect through
their life-story by way of pictures, thinking about the events of life that you
shared together with souvenirs and the accomplishments they made like viewing
their diploma are so important. They can help you move through the process of a
life lived in real space and time. This
will help you know how their influence helps you still to face challenges in
today.
*Honor your
loved one with your delight!
The quote from Kahlil Gibran is insightful by saying that “weeping for that which has
been your delight”, is a truth that you are realizing. Losing a loved one is devastating and has so
many other issues that come along with the loss. But if you think about it and I asked you,
“What advice would your loved one give you if you were able to talk with them,
telling them how you feel about their death?”
Most responses to this question are an affirmation to their love for
each other and the rigid words of going on in life. What am I saying? Most people say, “He would tell me that he
loves me just as always and You don’t need to stop your life because I am
gone. Get back going again!” Will
you follow their advice?
Most of the time the very one that
you would go to for support to face hard times, is the one that you are
grieving over. They would hug you and
sit with you, scold you and get you back into life again just because of what
you both have experienced together. But
they are gone now… Or are they? You know
them very well and you probably could walk yourself through the very
conversation that you would have with them right now. They would help you and nudge you back into
real-time today and say, “Now, what do you need to do next?” So, try doing that next thing that they
would advise you to do.
Getting through grief is tough but it is
very possible and you can do it.
Remember: Give yourself time to
process, Take out time to really reflect on them and Honor your loved one with
your delight.
This will make the great interrupter
avoid you because you did not run from your real life. Face off with grief today.
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